Stupid Questions and Comments

Believe it or not - even with all the twins being born out there - we get a lot of attention when we go out in public with the girls in tow. Some people are just absolutely wonderful and complementary and sensitive to giving Mason some attention as well as the girls. However, the following list are the top comments/questions that get under my skin. I'm sure that through this process of having twins, I will have more to add. I'll remember to post another list in the near future. These are not in order of ignorance or frustration. I just write as I think...

1. “Are they twins?”

NO! I just somehow conceived and gave birth to another child just days or weeks after giving birth to this one. Of course they are twins, you moron! (BTW : I actually get this more than once a day – no joke!)

2. From a complete stranger who saw one of my daughters wearing a blue flowered dress and the other wearing a yellow one – “So, one boy and one girl!”

My answer, “No, they are both girls.” Stranger’s response, “But that one is wearing blue.” Hmmmmm…. I guess that makes sense, she MUST be a boy then. I stand corrected. I must be wrong about that.

3. “Well, you just have to sleep when they sleep.”

RIGHT! Have you been around 3 kids under the age of 3 before (two of whom are only a few months old)? Obviously not! Otherwise you would realize that there is always SOMEONE that is awake and needs something.

4. Upon hearing that my girls are identical twins… “BUT, that one is bigger.” Or “But they aren’t dressed the same.”

Yes, they are actually two separate individuals now. They gain weight differently and may be seen in outfits that don’t match. One day, they might even like different foods or have a different favorite color, too. I could go on and on about the statistics of identical twins having a greater chance for weight discrepancy than fraternal twins, also. But, I just say, “YES, there is a size difference.” or “Yes, I know.”

5. “Are they paternal twins?” or “Are they maternal twins?”

I assure you that all three of my kids have both a mother and a father. But, if you are wondering if they are identical or fraternal, then they are identical.

6. This question I understand and it doesn’t bother me that it is asked. However, it is the frequency in which I hear it that drives me bonkers! “Do twins run in the family?”

When I hear this question, it makes me automatically turn into teacher mode and want to spew out a ton of information about twin data. I usually just respond with either yes or no – depending on my mood for the day, since I realize that not everyone is as interested in the statistics of twin probability as I am. (FYI: identical twins are NOT a genetic thing)

7. “You’ve got your hands full!”

YUP! Glad you noticed! Two hands, three kids, and yet you continue to talk to me while I’m trying to grocery shop before one or all of the kids break bad. Sorry, I’m usually pretty friendly, but COME ON! (One person actually said this to me and then didn’t even hold the door for us!)

Note – that my husband is never bothered by this comment. He thinks of it as a pat on the back. So, obviously, if you have said this to a mother of multiples, you may not have offended them. I’m just over-tired and over-sensitive, I’m sure.

8. “Oh, you have twins! My brother’s teacher’s neighbor’s cousin’s friend in high school was a twin (or some other crazy connection).”

Hmmm… that IS cool! We have SO much in common! Let’s keep talking about that while my babies are both crying!

9. From a person I’ve never seen before – “Were you trying?”

Trying what?!?!? Trying to have twins? Trying to get pregnant? Are you really asking me if my twins happened by mistake? Or are you curious if we used fertility treatments? Or if we were having unprotected sex? I don’t understand the question, but I do know that you are asking a question that is not appropriate since I don’t know you! For some odd reason, I wanted to make the person extremely uncomfortable and go into a long (fictitious) story about just how hard my husband and I were trying…. Loads and loads of sex! However, I probably would have blushed before she did, so I just gave her a quizzical look instead and walked away.

10. From a woman who obviously had no idea how rude she sounded as she pointed to one of the girls (I’ll never tell which one) and said, “That one right there is the pretty one!”

How do you even respond to that? I refrained from leaping out of my chair and strangling the woman for basically insulting one of my daughters. However, then I realized how ignorant she was since I had just told her that they were IDENTICAL twins. The nerve of some people!

11. “Well, God only gives you as much as you can handle.”

I understand that YOU may need to believe this. However, if God really does work this way, then I think he got us mixed up with another couple that is much more together than we are.

12. “You got two for the price of one!”

Now, I know what these people mean by this statement – two babies in one pregnancy. I will address this below in stupid comment #13. However, taken more literally, I assure you that you could not be more wrong! Twins are expensive! Super expensive! We had lots of baby items from when we had our son. However, with two newborns on the way, we were forced into buying a second of many things. In addition, we had to buy a new car that would accommodate two infant car seats AND one for our toddler. And, if you could only see our bill each month for diapers and formula alone! Trust me - we are not getting two for the price of one! I wish!

13. “You killed two birds with one stone.”

Perhaps it is best to just stay away from all of these kinds of sayings to anyone with multiples. Also, I hate this saying in particular. Who likes to talk about killing birds?!?! I guess you think it is a positive thing to get two babies with one pregnancy. And, to many this would seem ideal or cool. Those people are people who DO NOT have multiples!

14. “Did you know you were having twins?”

This would be a normal question if you were asking it in the 1950’s-1970’s. However, there is this little thing that we like to call MODERN MEDICINE!!! With that, we see a doctor throughout the pregnancy and have ultrasounds (even 4D now). OF COURSE, I knew I was having twins. I didn’t show up at the hospital in labor only to find out that there were two in there. We knew since I was only 7 weeks along. A more appropriate question might be: When did you find out you were having twins? or What was it like when you found out you were having twins? (I’ll answer that one in an upcoming blog)

15. “Is it twice the amount of work?”

Honestly, no! It is infinitely more difficult to tell you the truth. If it were just a matter of feeding two or diapering two, then that would be 2x the work. However, when one does not cooperate (and with babies that is often), they make it much more difficult to care for the other twin and their big brother. So, perhaps 10 times the work would be an acceptable estimate.

16. “I know how you feel, my kids are 14 (or 12, 16, 18) months apart.”

First, let me just clarify that I believe being a parent is tough at times whether you have one or 10 kids. And, there must be challenges whether they are 14 months apart or 4 years. There are pros and cons with anything. However, PLEASE don’t tell me you know what my life is like UNLESS YOU HAVE MULTIPLES!!!!!! I’ve had one baby, and having two at the exact same time is NOT THE SAME. One mother actually told me that I had it easier than she did since mine were twins and hers were 16 months apart. She went on and on telling me that her situation was much more difficult. And, perhaps it was. But, don’t tell the sleep-deprived, mother of twins that. Have some sense!

17. From the woman who cut in front of me to fill up her soda at Chipotle: “Been there, done that.”

I know, what was I doing at Chipotle with twins when the line is too long and there is never enough seating? I was asking for trouble just walking in the door! But, might I add that this same woman, upon entering the restaurant, had her 14 year old son run and grab the only table available and save it for them even though I was in line before her. (Does this not infuriate all of you?!?!) So, since she was already on my shit-list, I decided to answer with a sarcastic, “REALLY?!?! You have twins?” Her look told me her answer was NO. If she had, she would probably have her other child reserving the best parking spot out front.

DON'T WORRY! If you are one of the people that have said one of the statements above to me, I am not angry. I probably don't even remember that you said it (see my blog on "I'm Sorry")