It is November… the month of Thanksgiving!!! I’ve been a bit emotional lately. I can’t help but think about this time last year….
This time last year we realized that things weren’t going so well with our pregnancy. This time last year, we thought that there was a very good possibility that Sophia was not going to make it. We also thought that we were going to have to deliver Claire much, much too early in order to give her a chance at survival – which also put Claire’s life at risk. This time last year I was not allowed to pick up my son, play with him on the floor, take him for walks, watch him go trick-or-treating, or even be up off the couch for more than 30 minutes each day. This time last year was SO VERY DIFFERENT. This year I am running around after THREE, healthy, happy, beautiful children. This year, I am throwing a football and kicking a soccer ball around with Mason and running a 10-mile race with my husband. I am carrying Sophia and Claire up and down the steps several times a day and rolling around on the floor after them as they crawl. I bought 3 Halloween costumes for my 3 children who I took trick-or-treating myself. This year, my tears are tears of happiness, not of worry and anguish. This year, I am thankful for so much. I am thankful for the gift of my children.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Old Jennifer vs. New Jennifer
Sometimes I realize just how much having children - and especially twins – has changed me. A huge example of this occurred the other night. With my husband out of town, juggling work and home life can be a little overwhelming. After all, a simple trip to the grocery store for milk isn’t so simple with a toddler and two babies. So, when a co-worker and friend saw me in the morning and said she could come over that evening to help with dinner and bedtime – I happily accepted her offer. The rest of the day, I was left to battle with my own personality – the old Jennifer and the new Jennifer (overwhelmed, overworked mom of three kids under 3).
The Old Jennifer would have had the entire situation under control, and Andrew being out of town would not have stressed her out at all.
The New Jennifer is comfortable being uncomfortable, and is terrified when Andrew says that a trip is on the horizon.
The Old Jennifer would not have accepted help, and seen the idea of needing it as a sign of weakness.
The New Jennifer gladly accepts help, asks for help, and sees it as a sign of being normal.
The Old Jennifer would have been mortified if someone would have given last minute notice of coming over. She would have needed the house to be perfectly in order and have a wonderful meal prepared for her guests.
The New Jennifer says, “Don’t mind the mess”, “Just step over that”, and “Just push that off to the side.” She realizes that the house will never be in order and that my guests are fine with pizza being delivered.
The Old Jennifer would not have wanted guests over during the worst part of the day with the kids – night time – the Witching Hours. She would not have wanted them to have to see or deal with cranky kids.
The New Jennifer is happy for the extra help during the Witching Hours and has accepted that if you offer to help – you know what you are in for.
THANK YOU to those of you who have helped me with this transformation. I appreciate you not making me feel guilty for the messy house, the take out dinners, the “deer in the headlights” looks, and the cranky kids. I appreciate you realizing that this does not make me a bad person – and for helping me to realize that about myself, as well.
The Old Jennifer would have had the entire situation under control, and Andrew being out of town would not have stressed her out at all.
The New Jennifer is comfortable being uncomfortable, and is terrified when Andrew says that a trip is on the horizon.
The Old Jennifer would not have accepted help, and seen the idea of needing it as a sign of weakness.
The New Jennifer gladly accepts help, asks for help, and sees it as a sign of being normal.
The Old Jennifer would have been mortified if someone would have given last minute notice of coming over. She would have needed the house to be perfectly in order and have a wonderful meal prepared for her guests.
The New Jennifer says, “Don’t mind the mess”, “Just step over that”, and “Just push that off to the side.” She realizes that the house will never be in order and that my guests are fine with pizza being delivered.
The Old Jennifer would not have wanted guests over during the worst part of the day with the kids – night time – the Witching Hours. She would not have wanted them to have to see or deal with cranky kids.
The New Jennifer is happy for the extra help during the Witching Hours and has accepted that if you offer to help – you know what you are in for.
THANK YOU to those of you who have helped me with this transformation. I appreciate you not making me feel guilty for the messy house, the take out dinners, the “deer in the headlights” looks, and the cranky kids. I appreciate you realizing that this does not make me a bad person – and for helping me to realize that about myself, as well.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Spontaneous Twins? ~ Yeah, right!!!!
There is a lot of twin jargon that you get to know when you are pregnant with multiples. Parents of multiples can throw around words like amnion, chorion, mono-mono, mono-di, and completely understand what everyone means. One of the terms that I learned was “spontaneous twins”. If the definition is not obvious, this means: twins that happen spontaneously – without the use of drugs, IVF, or other intervention. So, when my husband and I found out we were having twins, our doctor announced to the medical team that we were having SPONTANEOUS TWINS! WHOOPEE!
While medically, my doctor was correct, I didn’t know the severity of that message.
What we have learned since having the babies:
Having twins means that we NEVER have the chance to be spontaneous!!!! Having these spontaneous twins was the last spontaneous thing that we ever did. Ha!
While medically, my doctor was correct, I didn’t know the severity of that message.
What we have learned since having the babies:
Having twins means that we NEVER have the chance to be spontaneous!!!! Having these spontaneous twins was the last spontaneous thing that we ever did. Ha!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
The Day It All Began
Today the girls are 6 months old, so I've been thinking a lot about the pregnancy and their birth today.
Since this whole blog was created because of the twins, I thought I should write about when it all began … the day we FOUND OUT that we were having TWINS!
Andrew’s work schedule had been extremely hectic during that time. I made two doctor appointments: one was our pregnancy “confirmation” appointment, scheduled at the 7 week mark and the other was a first trimester screening at 13 weeks. From having Mason, I knew the confirmation was the little bean on the screen and the doctor saying, “YES! The pregnancy test was right!” Our first trimester screening was going to be in 4D and super cool. So, I told Andrew that he didn’t have to try to get off of work for both appointments, and I encouraged him to be there for the 13 week appointment rather than the 7 week one. Boy, am I ever glad that he didn’t listen to me and he ended up taking the time off for both!!! In fact, I can count on one hand how many appointments Andrew missed during the entire pregnancy (only if he was out of the country). And, believe me, with twins – there are A LOT of appointments!
Let me back up a second… Andrew always thought it was weird how both times I “just knew” I was pregnant before I should even know. Funny thing is that both times, we found out on Father’s Day weekend. So, this time around, on Father’s Day, I went out to get a cake and picked up a pregnancy test, too! I took the test, and before I could even set it on the counter to let it sit for a few minutes, it was POSITIVE! This should have told me something to begin with since I wasn’t even late yet. My hormone levels were already so high (due to twins) that it set off that little plus sign almost immediately. With Mason there were lines, some faint, some half there. It was enough to make me take 6 pregnancy tests of different brands just to be sure. Not this time, though! BRIGHT and IMMEDIATE!
So, back to the appointment..................We walk in, and I’m already showing a bit. Yes, I was only 7 weeks along, but my belly was distended. It is more of a bloated look, and no one would ever tell me that I was showing. However, I knew that I was, and my shorts didn’t fit quite right. I’d been told that you show early with the second baby, so I just chalked it up to that. Makes sense, right?!?! I undress and get ready for the exam, and all of a sudden, I say to Andrew, “What if we are having twins?” I don’t know where it came from or why I said it. I just did. Then, we laughed and said how completely impossible that would be for us and we could never handle it. (Foot in mouth!)
The doctor came in and began the ultrasound. The bean came up on the screen and she gave us the thumbs up that it was in the right spot. Aaaaahhhh! Sigh of relief! Then, she started to take measurements, and told us that we were 9 weeks 2 days along. WHAT?!?! Nope! Anyone that knows me knows that I’m extremely organized about many things – my lists and my calendar. I promptly corrected the doctor and told her that I was only 7 weeks 2 days along. But, her measurements kept contradicting that. Hmmmmm…… then she said, “Wait just a minute. Let me just zoom in here.” That is when I saw……….TWO BEANS!!!! I said before the doctor could, “There are two!” After that, there were a series of “Holy Sh*ts!” that continued for quite some time (and I don’t even curse a lot). A few minutes later, they were confirmed with two heartbeats. My two little beans had been so close that she had originally measured them together, as they appeared to be one large bean. I remember feeling Andrew squeeze my hand tight – so tight that my rings were digging into my fingers leaving a mark.
I had originally come to the appointment with a notebook to fill up with information and answers to questions. However, the doctor (an identical twin herself, interestingly enough) knew that we were still in shock. She told us to just go home and wrap our heads around the twin part first, and she would answer our questions at the next appointment.
We stumbled to the check-out desk to make our next appointment, and I told the receptionist in a shell-shocked kind of way that we were having twins! (She reminded me of my shock at each subsequent visit since she got such a kick out of it.) The drive home was a mixture of excitement and odd concerns. All of a sudden one of us would say something like, “We need a new car to fit all the car seats!” or “That means we need to buy TWO cribs!” or “But, we only have one car seat!” It was all just starting to hit us.
The roller coaster of emotions about having twins would continue throughout most of the pregnancy. However, by the time we parked the car after that first appointment, Andrew and I were grinning from ear to ear and saying to one another, “We CAN do this! We are having TWINS! How amazing!”
Since this whole blog was created because of the twins, I thought I should write about when it all began … the day we FOUND OUT that we were having TWINS!
Andrew’s work schedule had been extremely hectic during that time. I made two doctor appointments: one was our pregnancy “confirmation” appointment, scheduled at the 7 week mark and the other was a first trimester screening at 13 weeks. From having Mason, I knew the confirmation was the little bean on the screen and the doctor saying, “YES! The pregnancy test was right!” Our first trimester screening was going to be in 4D and super cool. So, I told Andrew that he didn’t have to try to get off of work for both appointments, and I encouraged him to be there for the 13 week appointment rather than the 7 week one. Boy, am I ever glad that he didn’t listen to me and he ended up taking the time off for both!!! In fact, I can count on one hand how many appointments Andrew missed during the entire pregnancy (only if he was out of the country). And, believe me, with twins – there are A LOT of appointments!
Let me back up a second… Andrew always thought it was weird how both times I “just knew” I was pregnant before I should even know. Funny thing is that both times, we found out on Father’s Day weekend. So, this time around, on Father’s Day, I went out to get a cake and picked up a pregnancy test, too! I took the test, and before I could even set it on the counter to let it sit for a few minutes, it was POSITIVE! This should have told me something to begin with since I wasn’t even late yet. My hormone levels were already so high (due to twins) that it set off that little plus sign almost immediately. With Mason there were lines, some faint, some half there. It was enough to make me take 6 pregnancy tests of different brands just to be sure. Not this time, though! BRIGHT and IMMEDIATE!
So, back to the appointment..................We walk in, and I’m already showing a bit. Yes, I was only 7 weeks along, but my belly was distended. It is more of a bloated look, and no one would ever tell me that I was showing. However, I knew that I was, and my shorts didn’t fit quite right. I’d been told that you show early with the second baby, so I just chalked it up to that. Makes sense, right?!?! I undress and get ready for the exam, and all of a sudden, I say to Andrew, “What if we are having twins?” I don’t know where it came from or why I said it. I just did. Then, we laughed and said how completely impossible that would be for us and we could never handle it. (Foot in mouth!)
The doctor came in and began the ultrasound. The bean came up on the screen and she gave us the thumbs up that it was in the right spot. Aaaaahhhh! Sigh of relief! Then, she started to take measurements, and told us that we were 9 weeks 2 days along. WHAT?!?! Nope! Anyone that knows me knows that I’m extremely organized about many things – my lists and my calendar. I promptly corrected the doctor and told her that I was only 7 weeks 2 days along. But, her measurements kept contradicting that. Hmmmmm…… then she said, “Wait just a minute. Let me just zoom in here.” That is when I saw……….TWO BEANS!!!! I said before the doctor could, “There are two!” After that, there were a series of “Holy Sh*ts!” that continued for quite some time (and I don’t even curse a lot). A few minutes later, they were confirmed with two heartbeats. My two little beans had been so close that she had originally measured them together, as they appeared to be one large bean. I remember feeling Andrew squeeze my hand tight – so tight that my rings were digging into my fingers leaving a mark.
I had originally come to the appointment with a notebook to fill up with information and answers to questions. However, the doctor (an identical twin herself, interestingly enough) knew that we were still in shock. She told us to just go home and wrap our heads around the twin part first, and she would answer our questions at the next appointment.
We stumbled to the check-out desk to make our next appointment, and I told the receptionist in a shell-shocked kind of way that we were having twins! (She reminded me of my shock at each subsequent visit since she got such a kick out of it.) The drive home was a mixture of excitement and odd concerns. All of a sudden one of us would say something like, “We need a new car to fit all the car seats!” or “That means we need to buy TWO cribs!” or “But, we only have one car seat!” It was all just starting to hit us.
The roller coaster of emotions about having twins would continue throughout most of the pregnancy. However, by the time we parked the car after that first appointment, Andrew and I were grinning from ear to ear and saying to one another, “We CAN do this! We are having TWINS! How amazing!”
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Stupid Questions and Comments
Believe it or not - even with all the twins being born out there - we get a lot of attention when we go out in public with the girls in tow. Some people are just absolutely wonderful and complementary and sensitive to giving Mason some attention as well as the girls. However, the following list are the top comments/questions that get under my skin. I'm sure that through this process of having twins, I will have more to add. I'll remember to post another list in the near future. These are not in order of ignorance or frustration. I just write as I think...
1. “Are they twins?”
NO! I just somehow conceived and gave birth to another child just days or weeks after giving birth to this one. Of course they are twins, you moron! (BTW : I actually get this more than once a day – no joke!)
2. From a complete stranger who saw one of my daughters wearing a blue flowered dress and the other wearing a yellow one – “So, one boy and one girl!”
My answer, “No, they are both girls.” Stranger’s response, “But that one is wearing blue.” Hmmmmm…. I guess that makes sense, she MUST be a boy then. I stand corrected. I must be wrong about that.
3. “Well, you just have to sleep when they sleep.”
RIGHT! Have you been around 3 kids under the age of 3 before (two of whom are only a few months old)? Obviously not! Otherwise you would realize that there is always SOMEONE that is awake and needs something.
4. Upon hearing that my girls are identical twins… “BUT, that one is bigger.” Or “But they aren’t dressed the same.”
Yes, they are actually two separate individuals now. They gain weight differently and may be seen in outfits that don’t match. One day, they might even like different foods or have a different favorite color, too. I could go on and on about the statistics of identical twins having a greater chance for weight discrepancy than fraternal twins, also. But, I just say, “YES, there is a size difference.” or “Yes, I know.”
5. “Are they paternal twins?” or “Are they maternal twins?”
I assure you that all three of my kids have both a mother and a father. But, if you are wondering if they are identical or fraternal, then they are identical.
6. This question I understand and it doesn’t bother me that it is asked. However, it is the frequency in which I hear it that drives me bonkers! “Do twins run in the family?”
When I hear this question, it makes me automatically turn into teacher mode and want to spew out a ton of information about twin data. I usually just respond with either yes or no – depending on my mood for the day, since I realize that not everyone is as interested in the statistics of twin probability as I am. (FYI: identical twins are NOT a genetic thing)
7. “You’ve got your hands full!”
YUP! Glad you noticed! Two hands, three kids, and yet you continue to talk to me while I’m trying to grocery shop before one or all of the kids break bad. Sorry, I’m usually pretty friendly, but COME ON! (One person actually said this to me and then didn’t even hold the door for us!)
Note – that my husband is never bothered by this comment. He thinks of it as a pat on the back. So, obviously, if you have said this to a mother of multiples, you may not have offended them. I’m just over-tired and over-sensitive, I’m sure.
8. “Oh, you have twins! My brother’s teacher’s neighbor’s cousin’s friend in high school was a twin (or some other crazy connection).”
Hmmm… that IS cool! We have SO much in common! Let’s keep talking about that while my babies are both crying!
9. From a person I’ve never seen before – “Were you trying?”
Trying what?!?!? Trying to have twins? Trying to get pregnant? Are you really asking me if my twins happened by mistake? Or are you curious if we used fertility treatments? Or if we were having unprotected sex? I don’t understand the question, but I do know that you are asking a question that is not appropriate since I don’t know you! For some odd reason, I wanted to make the person extremely uncomfortable and go into a long (fictitious) story about just how hard my husband and I were trying…. Loads and loads of sex! However, I probably would have blushed before she did, so I just gave her a quizzical look instead and walked away.
10. From a woman who obviously had no idea how rude she sounded as she pointed to one of the girls (I’ll never tell which one) and said, “That one right there is the pretty one!”
How do you even respond to that? I refrained from leaping out of my chair and strangling the woman for basically insulting one of my daughters. However, then I realized how ignorant she was since I had just told her that they were IDENTICAL twins. The nerve of some people!
11. “Well, God only gives you as much as you can handle.”
I understand that YOU may need to believe this. However, if God really does work this way, then I think he got us mixed up with another couple that is much more together than we are.
12. “You got two for the price of one!”
Now, I know what these people mean by this statement – two babies in one pregnancy. I will address this below in stupid comment #13. However, taken more literally, I assure you that you could not be more wrong! Twins are expensive! Super expensive! We had lots of baby items from when we had our son. However, with two newborns on the way, we were forced into buying a second of many things. In addition, we had to buy a new car that would accommodate two infant car seats AND one for our toddler. And, if you could only see our bill each month for diapers and formula alone! Trust me - we are not getting two for the price of one! I wish!
13. “You killed two birds with one stone.”
Perhaps it is best to just stay away from all of these kinds of sayings to anyone with multiples. Also, I hate this saying in particular. Who likes to talk about killing birds?!?! I guess you think it is a positive thing to get two babies with one pregnancy. And, to many this would seem ideal or cool. Those people are people who DO NOT have multiples!
14. “Did you know you were having twins?”
This would be a normal question if you were asking it in the 1950’s-1970’s. However, there is this little thing that we like to call MODERN MEDICINE!!! With that, we see a doctor throughout the pregnancy and have ultrasounds (even 4D now). OF COURSE, I knew I was having twins. I didn’t show up at the hospital in labor only to find out that there were two in there. We knew since I was only 7 weeks along. A more appropriate question might be: When did you find out you were having twins? or What was it like when you found out you were having twins? (I’ll answer that one in an upcoming blog)
15. “Is it twice the amount of work?”
Honestly, no! It is infinitely more difficult to tell you the truth. If it were just a matter of feeding two or diapering two, then that would be 2x the work. However, when one does not cooperate (and with babies that is often), they make it much more difficult to care for the other twin and their big brother. So, perhaps 10 times the work would be an acceptable estimate.
16. “I know how you feel, my kids are 14 (or 12, 16, 18) months apart.”
First, let me just clarify that I believe being a parent is tough at times whether you have one or 10 kids. And, there must be challenges whether they are 14 months apart or 4 years. There are pros and cons with anything. However, PLEASE don’t tell me you know what my life is like UNLESS YOU HAVE MULTIPLES!!!!!! I’ve had one baby, and having two at the exact same time is NOT THE SAME. One mother actually told me that I had it easier than she did since mine were twins and hers were 16 months apart. She went on and on telling me that her situation was much more difficult. And, perhaps it was. But, don’t tell the sleep-deprived, mother of twins that. Have some sense!
17. From the woman who cut in front of me to fill up her soda at Chipotle: “Been there, done that.”
I know, what was I doing at Chipotle with twins when the line is too long and there is never enough seating? I was asking for trouble just walking in the door! But, might I add that this same woman, upon entering the restaurant, had her 14 year old son run and grab the only table available and save it for them even though I was in line before her. (Does this not infuriate all of you?!?!) So, since she was already on my shit-list, I decided to answer with a sarcastic, “REALLY?!?! You have twins?” Her look told me her answer was NO. If she had, she would probably have her other child reserving the best parking spot out front.
DON'T WORRY! If you are one of the people that have said one of the statements above to me, I am not angry. I probably don't even remember that you said it (see my blog on "I'm Sorry")
1. “Are they twins?”
NO! I just somehow conceived and gave birth to another child just days or weeks after giving birth to this one. Of course they are twins, you moron! (BTW : I actually get this more than once a day – no joke!)
2. From a complete stranger who saw one of my daughters wearing a blue flowered dress and the other wearing a yellow one – “So, one boy and one girl!”
My answer, “No, they are both girls.” Stranger’s response, “But that one is wearing blue.” Hmmmmm…. I guess that makes sense, she MUST be a boy then. I stand corrected. I must be wrong about that.
3. “Well, you just have to sleep when they sleep.”
RIGHT! Have you been around 3 kids under the age of 3 before (two of whom are only a few months old)? Obviously not! Otherwise you would realize that there is always SOMEONE that is awake and needs something.
4. Upon hearing that my girls are identical twins… “BUT, that one is bigger.” Or “But they aren’t dressed the same.”
Yes, they are actually two separate individuals now. They gain weight differently and may be seen in outfits that don’t match. One day, they might even like different foods or have a different favorite color, too. I could go on and on about the statistics of identical twins having a greater chance for weight discrepancy than fraternal twins, also. But, I just say, “YES, there is a size difference.” or “Yes, I know.”
5. “Are they paternal twins?” or “Are they maternal twins?”
I assure you that all three of my kids have both a mother and a father. But, if you are wondering if they are identical or fraternal, then they are identical.
6. This question I understand and it doesn’t bother me that it is asked. However, it is the frequency in which I hear it that drives me bonkers! “Do twins run in the family?”
When I hear this question, it makes me automatically turn into teacher mode and want to spew out a ton of information about twin data. I usually just respond with either yes or no – depending on my mood for the day, since I realize that not everyone is as interested in the statistics of twin probability as I am. (FYI: identical twins are NOT a genetic thing)
7. “You’ve got your hands full!”
YUP! Glad you noticed! Two hands, three kids, and yet you continue to talk to me while I’m trying to grocery shop before one or all of the kids break bad. Sorry, I’m usually pretty friendly, but COME ON! (One person actually said this to me and then didn’t even hold the door for us!)
Note – that my husband is never bothered by this comment. He thinks of it as a pat on the back. So, obviously, if you have said this to a mother of multiples, you may not have offended them. I’m just over-tired and over-sensitive, I’m sure.
8. “Oh, you have twins! My brother’s teacher’s neighbor’s cousin’s friend in high school was a twin (or some other crazy connection).”
Hmmm… that IS cool! We have SO much in common! Let’s keep talking about that while my babies are both crying!
9. From a person I’ve never seen before – “Were you trying?”
Trying what?!?!? Trying to have twins? Trying to get pregnant? Are you really asking me if my twins happened by mistake? Or are you curious if we used fertility treatments? Or if we were having unprotected sex? I don’t understand the question, but I do know that you are asking a question that is not appropriate since I don’t know you! For some odd reason, I wanted to make the person extremely uncomfortable and go into a long (fictitious) story about just how hard my husband and I were trying…. Loads and loads of sex! However, I probably would have blushed before she did, so I just gave her a quizzical look instead and walked away.
10. From a woman who obviously had no idea how rude she sounded as she pointed to one of the girls (I’ll never tell which one) and said, “That one right there is the pretty one!”
How do you even respond to that? I refrained from leaping out of my chair and strangling the woman for basically insulting one of my daughters. However, then I realized how ignorant she was since I had just told her that they were IDENTICAL twins. The nerve of some people!
11. “Well, God only gives you as much as you can handle.”
I understand that YOU may need to believe this. However, if God really does work this way, then I think he got us mixed up with another couple that is much more together than we are.
12. “You got two for the price of one!”
Now, I know what these people mean by this statement – two babies in one pregnancy. I will address this below in stupid comment #13. However, taken more literally, I assure you that you could not be more wrong! Twins are expensive! Super expensive! We had lots of baby items from when we had our son. However, with two newborns on the way, we were forced into buying a second of many things. In addition, we had to buy a new car that would accommodate two infant car seats AND one for our toddler. And, if you could only see our bill each month for diapers and formula alone! Trust me - we are not getting two for the price of one! I wish!
13. “You killed two birds with one stone.”
Perhaps it is best to just stay away from all of these kinds of sayings to anyone with multiples. Also, I hate this saying in particular. Who likes to talk about killing birds?!?! I guess you think it is a positive thing to get two babies with one pregnancy. And, to many this would seem ideal or cool. Those people are people who DO NOT have multiples!
14. “Did you know you were having twins?”
This would be a normal question if you were asking it in the 1950’s-1970’s. However, there is this little thing that we like to call MODERN MEDICINE!!! With that, we see a doctor throughout the pregnancy and have ultrasounds (even 4D now). OF COURSE, I knew I was having twins. I didn’t show up at the hospital in labor only to find out that there were two in there. We knew since I was only 7 weeks along. A more appropriate question might be: When did you find out you were having twins? or What was it like when you found out you were having twins? (I’ll answer that one in an upcoming blog)
15. “Is it twice the amount of work?”
Honestly, no! It is infinitely more difficult to tell you the truth. If it were just a matter of feeding two or diapering two, then that would be 2x the work. However, when one does not cooperate (and with babies that is often), they make it much more difficult to care for the other twin and their big brother. So, perhaps 10 times the work would be an acceptable estimate.
16. “I know how you feel, my kids are 14 (or 12, 16, 18) months apart.”
First, let me just clarify that I believe being a parent is tough at times whether you have one or 10 kids. And, there must be challenges whether they are 14 months apart or 4 years. There are pros and cons with anything. However, PLEASE don’t tell me you know what my life is like UNLESS YOU HAVE MULTIPLES!!!!!! I’ve had one baby, and having two at the exact same time is NOT THE SAME. One mother actually told me that I had it easier than she did since mine were twins and hers were 16 months apart. She went on and on telling me that her situation was much more difficult. And, perhaps it was. But, don’t tell the sleep-deprived, mother of twins that. Have some sense!
17. From the woman who cut in front of me to fill up her soda at Chipotle: “Been there, done that.”
I know, what was I doing at Chipotle with twins when the line is too long and there is never enough seating? I was asking for trouble just walking in the door! But, might I add that this same woman, upon entering the restaurant, had her 14 year old son run and grab the only table available and save it for them even though I was in line before her. (Does this not infuriate all of you?!?!) So, since she was already on my shit-list, I decided to answer with a sarcastic, “REALLY?!?! You have twins?” Her look told me her answer was NO. If she had, she would probably have her other child reserving the best parking spot out front.
DON'T WORRY! If you are one of the people that have said one of the statements above to me, I am not angry. I probably don't even remember that you said it (see my blog on "I'm Sorry")
Friday, July 9, 2010
I can't even pee!
Being a parent sometimes means not always having the ability to pee, and it definitely means not peeing alone. With a two year old and two infants, the door to my bathroom is never closed. I have absolutely NO privacy at all. I actually have this fear that when I go back to work, I will forget to close the bathroom door and someone will walk right in on me.
Today, one of the girls was having a really rough day – the kind of day when you realize that you can’t put her down for even a second without her screaming bloody murder. So, I was holding her little sleeping body in my arms and I realized I have to PEE. If I put her down to go, then she will cry so hard and wake up the other two kids that are finally sleeping soundly. So, I sit, and I hold it. I hold it until my eyes begin to water, I start to sweat, and I’m pushing my feet up against the couch to steady myself. I try to think of something else, but the only other thing I can think about is that now I also need to cough. My throat starts to itch even more and my bladder is about to burst. The baby moves ever so slightly – just enough to jab her knee into my bladder – and I honestly think that I could end up having an accident right here. For a split second I consider how I can carry her to the bathroom and still go with her in my arms, but I quickly dismiss the thought. My mind wanders to the crazy astronaut lady that drove across country to kill someone and never stopped to use the bathroom by using depends. I glance down at the pile of diapers and for a split second consider my options there – no good.
I decide to pass the time by thinking about the other moments in time when I’m not able to pee because I’m a mom.
• ROAD TRIPS: Road trips pose several obstacles for being able to pee. The first one that comes to mind is that I am destined to have to go to the bathroom the very second that the kids are asleep in the car. We will be driving for hours with them screaming and crying, and I will be fine. The moment that they zonk out – I have to go! I can’t possibly pull over for fear that they will wake up and the crying will continue for the rest of the trip.
• STORES AND RESTAURANTS or OTHER PUBLIC RESTROOMS: Back when I had only one child, this was not as much of an issue. I was able to take my son into the restroom with me. However, now that I have three children, it seems that it is impossible. Often, the double stroller for the girls doesn’t even fit into the restroom. Once, at a Wendy’s, I felt very much at home – because I pushed the stroller in but couldn’t close the door to the bathroom. UGH!
• PARKS WITH PORTA-POTS: We love to be outside. And, we live in a great area where we can take in a lot of attractions. D.C. has so much to offer. However, at a lot of these locations, only a porta-pot is available. This is fine if I go to these places with my husband or another adult. They stay with the kids, and I brave the awful smelling stall by holding my breath and then bathing in antibacterial gel after. Yet, what do you do when you go solo with the three kids? Leave them parked outside and hope someone doesn’t steal them? Or – go in and leave the door open (again, just like home) and risk getting fined for indecent exposure. ;)
• AIRPLANES: The bathrooms on airplanes are barely large enough for ME to fit in. What do you do when you have several kids? Everyone I talk to about this tells me to ask the flight attendants to help. Sure, maybe with one child. But, with several children? – YIKES! This actually seems so daunting, that I refuse to even try it yet.
As I continue to think about all of this, I decide to brave it and put her down. Yes, she screams. Yes, she wakes her sister. UGH! So I realize that it could be years before I get to pee. And, when that day happens, I most likely will not do it alone.
Today, one of the girls was having a really rough day – the kind of day when you realize that you can’t put her down for even a second without her screaming bloody murder. So, I was holding her little sleeping body in my arms and I realized I have to PEE. If I put her down to go, then she will cry so hard and wake up the other two kids that are finally sleeping soundly. So, I sit, and I hold it. I hold it until my eyes begin to water, I start to sweat, and I’m pushing my feet up against the couch to steady myself. I try to think of something else, but the only other thing I can think about is that now I also need to cough. My throat starts to itch even more and my bladder is about to burst. The baby moves ever so slightly – just enough to jab her knee into my bladder – and I honestly think that I could end up having an accident right here. For a split second I consider how I can carry her to the bathroom and still go with her in my arms, but I quickly dismiss the thought. My mind wanders to the crazy astronaut lady that drove across country to kill someone and never stopped to use the bathroom by using depends. I glance down at the pile of diapers and for a split second consider my options there – no good.
I decide to pass the time by thinking about the other moments in time when I’m not able to pee because I’m a mom.
• ROAD TRIPS: Road trips pose several obstacles for being able to pee. The first one that comes to mind is that I am destined to have to go to the bathroom the very second that the kids are asleep in the car. We will be driving for hours with them screaming and crying, and I will be fine. The moment that they zonk out – I have to go! I can’t possibly pull over for fear that they will wake up and the crying will continue for the rest of the trip.
• STORES AND RESTAURANTS or OTHER PUBLIC RESTROOMS: Back when I had only one child, this was not as much of an issue. I was able to take my son into the restroom with me. However, now that I have three children, it seems that it is impossible. Often, the double stroller for the girls doesn’t even fit into the restroom. Once, at a Wendy’s, I felt very much at home – because I pushed the stroller in but couldn’t close the door to the bathroom. UGH!
• PARKS WITH PORTA-POTS: We love to be outside. And, we live in a great area where we can take in a lot of attractions. D.C. has so much to offer. However, at a lot of these locations, only a porta-pot is available. This is fine if I go to these places with my husband or another adult. They stay with the kids, and I brave the awful smelling stall by holding my breath and then bathing in antibacterial gel after. Yet, what do you do when you go solo with the three kids? Leave them parked outside and hope someone doesn’t steal them? Or – go in and leave the door open (again, just like home) and risk getting fined for indecent exposure. ;)
• AIRPLANES: The bathrooms on airplanes are barely large enough for ME to fit in. What do you do when you have several kids? Everyone I talk to about this tells me to ask the flight attendants to help. Sure, maybe with one child. But, with several children? – YIKES! This actually seems so daunting, that I refuse to even try it yet.
As I continue to think about all of this, I decide to brave it and put her down. Yes, she screams. Yes, she wakes her sister. UGH! So I realize that it could be years before I get to pee. And, when that day happens, I most likely will not do it alone.
Monday, June 28, 2010
YES WE CAN!!!
When we found out we were expecting twins, I immediately knew I needed to do a ton of research. So, after running to the book store and purchasing several books on twins and searching the internet for hours upon hours for information, I joined a Parents of Multiples group. I attended a “new moms coffee” and flooded the moms with questions. I had a playgroup with another pregnant mom who had a toddler the same age as Mason, and we shared twin pregnancy stories. I checked their online forums daily for information that could help my husband and I cope and plan.
However, by far, the best part of joining that group was when we all attended the Multiples Picnic once the babies arrived. To say that the kids outnumbered the adults is putting it mildly. We arrived with our three kids in tow. Others showed up with twins, triplets, and quads. Some of them had singletons in their families like us. So, there were kids EVERYWHERE.
I have to say that my husband I looked at these families and were somewhat put at ease. After all, if they can do it, so can we! We are not the first (and certainly won’t be the last) couple to have a set of twins! So, we blew it off that we were late. We blew it off that Mason’s shirt was dirty within seconds of being there. We blew it off that we took the wrong stroller for the occasion (you twin moms know what I’m talking about). We blew it off that Mason threw a temper tantrum about the bounce house. After all, we weren’t being judged. We were in “like” company. And, if we were overwhelmed for even a moment, we could always look at the picnic blanket across from us and see the parents with their triplets or quads. Heck, it could be worse, right?
A big shout out to NVPOM: Northern Virginia Parents of Multiples! You rock!
However, by far, the best part of joining that group was when we all attended the Multiples Picnic once the babies arrived. To say that the kids outnumbered the adults is putting it mildly. We arrived with our three kids in tow. Others showed up with twins, triplets, and quads. Some of them had singletons in their families like us. So, there were kids EVERYWHERE.
I have to say that my husband I looked at these families and were somewhat put at ease. After all, if they can do it, so can we! We are not the first (and certainly won’t be the last) couple to have a set of twins! So, we blew it off that we were late. We blew it off that Mason’s shirt was dirty within seconds of being there. We blew it off that we took the wrong stroller for the occasion (you twin moms know what I’m talking about). We blew it off that Mason threw a temper tantrum about the bounce house. After all, we weren’t being judged. We were in “like” company. And, if we were overwhelmed for even a moment, we could always look at the picnic blanket across from us and see the parents with their triplets or quads. Heck, it could be worse, right?
A big shout out to NVPOM: Northern Virginia Parents of Multiples! You rock!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
ONE versus TWO: The twin factor or normal?
Around 3 am my mind started to wander as I was perched between my twins on the floor feeding them. I thought about what a different mom I was to my son, a singleton. Often, these kinds of thoughts flood me with guilt. Yet, sometimes I just wonder if it really has anything to do with the twin factor – or if it is just the way it is with all second or third children.
* As a mom to a singleton I nursed until he was 11 months old. As a mom to twins, I nursed for 2 months.
* As a mom to a singleton, I made all my own baby food. As a mom to twins, I plan to buy the jars in bulk.
* As a mom to a singleton, I researched all the best brands and purchased them regardless of price. As a mom to twins, I gladly accept any brand as long as it is cheap or free.
* As a mom to a singleton, I read to my son for hours each day. As a mom to twins, I beg my son to read to them.
* As a mom to a singleton, I dressed him in cute outfits daily. As a mom to twins, they sometimes never make it out of their jammies (and sometimes I don’t either).
* As a mom to a singleton, I gave nightly baths and massages. As a mom to twins, we bathe about every other day and at whatever time we can squeeze it in.
* As a mom to a singleton, my son took his regularly scheduled naps in his crib each and every day. As a mom to twins, the girls nap on the road whenever they can and where-ever we are at the time.
* As a mom to a singleton, I uploaded photos on a weekly basis. As a mom to twins, they get uploaded monthly.
* As a mom to a singleton, we used only the name brands for formula, diapers, etc. As a mom to twins, we go generic whenever we can.
* As a mom to a singleton, I wore heels. As a mom to twins, I wear flats.
* As a mom to a singleton, my house still had some proof that adults live here. As a mom to twins, our home looks like a toys ‘r us or babies ‘r us exploded.
Many of you can relate even if you don’t have twins. Maybe I was just a little crazy when it came to my first. Perhaps having twins is what has made me sane.
* As a mom to a singleton I nursed until he was 11 months old. As a mom to twins, I nursed for 2 months.
* As a mom to a singleton, I made all my own baby food. As a mom to twins, I plan to buy the jars in bulk.
* As a mom to a singleton, I researched all the best brands and purchased them regardless of price. As a mom to twins, I gladly accept any brand as long as it is cheap or free.
* As a mom to a singleton, I read to my son for hours each day. As a mom to twins, I beg my son to read to them.
* As a mom to a singleton, I dressed him in cute outfits daily. As a mom to twins, they sometimes never make it out of their jammies (and sometimes I don’t either).
* As a mom to a singleton, I gave nightly baths and massages. As a mom to twins, we bathe about every other day and at whatever time we can squeeze it in.
* As a mom to a singleton, my son took his regularly scheduled naps in his crib each and every day. As a mom to twins, the girls nap on the road whenever they can and where-ever we are at the time.
* As a mom to a singleton, I uploaded photos on a weekly basis. As a mom to twins, they get uploaded monthly.
* As a mom to a singleton, we used only the name brands for formula, diapers, etc. As a mom to twins, we go generic whenever we can.
* As a mom to a singleton, I wore heels. As a mom to twins, I wear flats.
* As a mom to a singleton, my house still had some proof that adults live here. As a mom to twins, our home looks like a toys ‘r us or babies ‘r us exploded.
Many of you can relate even if you don’t have twins. Maybe I was just a little crazy when it came to my first. Perhaps having twins is what has made me sane.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I'm Sorry
A parent of twins that I met a few months ago told me, “Having twins means never having to say, I’m sorry.” I love that! Because if I was expected to do so, I think those words would be coming out of my mouth every 10 minutes. So, find your apology below – some or all may apply.
I’m sorry…
1. I’m sorry for forgetting your birthday, anniversary, NAME, etc. With my days and nights blending into one, I have absolutely no idea what day of the week it is. As for your name, I have no excuse other than complete and total exhaustion!
2. I’m sorry for not returning your phone call. I probably just forgot that you called to begin with.
3. I’m sorry for not emailing back. I probably read your email at 3am during one of the feedings and thought I’d remember to respond in the morning, and then forgot.
4. I’m sorry for being late. I was going to be on time, but then one of the babies spit up all over and I had to change her, then the other had a blow out, then my son threw a temper tantrum, and then, and then, and then…...
5. I’m sorry that my house is a mess. It was actually clean 10 minutes BEFORE everyone woke up. However, once they are awake, all hell breaks loose.
6. I’m sorry I look like such a mess. I could blame it on the lack of sleep, the baby that just puked all down my shirt and in my hair, the fact that someone in our house was crying so hard that I only had 2 minutes in the shower, or any number of reasons. However, just please tell me I look great so that I feel better.
7. I’m sorry that you didn’t get a thank you card yet. I probably wrote one or started to write one. It is somewhere in my house on some pile. The stamps are also somewhere in the house. Not sure where right now, but I know that the cards and the stamps are not in the same place. Hmmm…. What is your name again? (see #1)
8. I’m sorry we are having spaghetti for the fourth night in a row. To be honest, you are lucky that I’m even boiling noodles. The thought of cooking doesn’t exhaust me as much as cleaning the kitchen after. I hate creating more work for myself. So, eat your pasta and like it, darn it!
9. “I’m sorry, what was I saying?” I can’t seem to complete a thought or a sentence. I blame it on baby brain and/or lack of
10. I’m sorry for everything that I’ve forgotten to mention here. I feel that I’ve been a bad mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc. to all of you. I blame it on “baby brain”, but I plan to use this as an excuse for at least the next year. It might be longer. I’ll get back to you about that… if I remember. If not, I'm sorry....
I’m sorry…
1. I’m sorry for forgetting your birthday, anniversary, NAME, etc. With my days and nights blending into one, I have absolutely no idea what day of the week it is. As for your name, I have no excuse other than complete and total exhaustion!
2. I’m sorry for not returning your phone call. I probably just forgot that you called to begin with.
3. I’m sorry for not emailing back. I probably read your email at 3am during one of the feedings and thought I’d remember to respond in the morning, and then forgot.
4. I’m sorry for being late. I was going to be on time, but then one of the babies spit up all over and I had to change her, then the other had a blow out, then my son threw a temper tantrum, and then, and then, and then…...
5. I’m sorry that my house is a mess. It was actually clean 10 minutes BEFORE everyone woke up. However, once they are awake, all hell breaks loose.
6. I’m sorry I look like such a mess. I could blame it on the lack of sleep, the baby that just puked all down my shirt and in my hair, the fact that someone in our house was crying so hard that I only had 2 minutes in the shower, or any number of reasons. However, just please tell me I look great so that I feel better.
7. I’m sorry that you didn’t get a thank you card yet. I probably wrote one or started to write one. It is somewhere in my house on some pile. The stamps are also somewhere in the house. Not sure where right now, but I know that the cards and the stamps are not in the same place. Hmmm…. What is your name again? (see #1)
8. I’m sorry we are having spaghetti for the fourth night in a row. To be honest, you are lucky that I’m even boiling noodles. The thought of cooking doesn’t exhaust me as much as cleaning the kitchen after. I hate creating more work for myself. So, eat your pasta and like it, darn it!
9. “I’m sorry, what was I saying?” I can’t seem to complete a thought or a sentence. I blame it on baby brain and/or lack of
10. I’m sorry for everything that I’ve forgotten to mention here. I feel that I’ve been a bad mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc. to all of you. I blame it on “baby brain”, but I plan to use this as an excuse for at least the next year. It might be longer. I’ll get back to you about that… if I remember. If not, I'm sorry....
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Multiple Must-Haves
A woman I met through a "parents of multiples" group asked me what items were most helpful when you have twins. So, I have been creating a MULTIPLES MUST-HAVE list. Although, very few items are directly geared towards multiples. They are just regular baby items that I could not live without - especially having twins. As the girls get older and I learn more about what they use, I will add to the list. In the meantime, feel free to comment about what baby items were most important to YOU. After all, every baby is different. One baby may scream bloody murder when placed in a swing, while another cannot sleep without it rocking!
One thing is for certain: you do NOT need two of everything! It is a waste of money and space! One of most items is a great way to start until you find out what your babies like. I rotate my babies in and out of things (I liken it to learning stations or centers - for all my teacher friends). Some things I found that I absolutely NEEDED to double-up on:
1. PAPASAN (or bouncy) CHAIRS allow me to feed both babies at the same time, allowing me more time.
2. BOPPY LOUNGERS - not to be mistaken for the regular boppy used for nursing. These loungers are more like a big pillow. My little ones lived in these for the first couple of months. I must give a shout out to my friend, Ashlee, who introduced this to me when I was pregnant with my son. I now get these for almost everyone as a shower gift. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with twins, I borrowed another. I LOVE THEM!
3. PACK 'N PLAYS - If you live in a home with multiple floors, it would be nice to have one on each floor. However, eventually you will need two anyway because they will be too big to fit into one if you ever want to be able to travel overnight. Our girls slept in them for the first few months before transitioning to a crib.
You can find the list on the main page on the side. Just scroll down... I'll add to it bit by bit.
One thing is for certain: you do NOT need two of everything! It is a waste of money and space! One of most items is a great way to start until you find out what your babies like. I rotate my babies in and out of things (I liken it to learning stations or centers - for all my teacher friends). Some things I found that I absolutely NEEDED to double-up on:
1. PAPASAN (or bouncy) CHAIRS allow me to feed both babies at the same time, allowing me more time.
2. BOPPY LOUNGERS - not to be mistaken for the regular boppy used for nursing. These loungers are more like a big pillow. My little ones lived in these for the first couple of months. I must give a shout out to my friend, Ashlee, who introduced this to me when I was pregnant with my son. I now get these for almost everyone as a shower gift. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with twins, I borrowed another. I LOVE THEM!
3. PACK 'N PLAYS - If you live in a home with multiple floors, it would be nice to have one on each floor. However, eventually you will need two anyway because they will be too big to fit into one if you ever want to be able to travel overnight. Our girls slept in them for the first few months before transitioning to a crib.
You can find the list on the main page on the side. Just scroll down... I'll add to it bit by bit.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Do I have COOTIES now?
I am extremely confused by people and hope you can help me make some sense out of this. During both of my pregnancies, I was always so amazed at how perfect strangers would offer to help me. They held doors, let me go ahead in line, grabbed by grocery bags, and offered to help me every step I took. I was PREGNANT, not incapable. In fact, during my first pregnancy with my son, I felt incredible and had a great deal of energy. Now, before you criticize me for being ungrateful, let me stress that I was always very touched by this outreach.
What confuses me is that when I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself, these people offered to do everything for me. Yet, when I am trying to get into the doors of a local store with a car seat in each hand and a diaper bag the size of a medium suitcase over my shoulder, people are letting the door slam in my face. When I'm carrying two packages out of the post office with a toddler crying beside me and those same two carseats, no one offers to get the door or carry the package. In fact, instead they shoot me dirty glances because of the crying toddler. When I'm in line for a table at Panera with my tray of food, a toddler, a double stroller, and that monstrous diaper bag, a lady dressed in a fancy suit cuts in front of me and beats me to the only available table. Obviously, she was much more important than me and couldn't have realized my very small window of time to eat without all three kids going nuts.
WHAT?!!?!?!
Why did I get smiles and sweet looks when I was pregnant - yet looks of annoyance once those babies were actually born?
Why am I cute and vulnerable when I'm pregnant, but I seem to have cooties once I have kids?
What confuses me is that when I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself, these people offered to do everything for me. Yet, when I am trying to get into the doors of a local store with a car seat in each hand and a diaper bag the size of a medium suitcase over my shoulder, people are letting the door slam in my face. When I'm carrying two packages out of the post office with a toddler crying beside me and those same two carseats, no one offers to get the door or carry the package. In fact, instead they shoot me dirty glances because of the crying toddler. When I'm in line for a table at Panera with my tray of food, a toddler, a double stroller, and that monstrous diaper bag, a lady dressed in a fancy suit cuts in front of me and beats me to the only available table. Obviously, she was much more important than me and couldn't have realized my very small window of time to eat without all three kids going nuts.
WHAT?!!?!?!
Why did I get smiles and sweet looks when I was pregnant - yet looks of annoyance once those babies were actually born?
Why am I cute and vulnerable when I'm pregnant, but I seem to have cooties once I have kids?
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I joined the blogger band-wagon!
Ok...OK... I know I have no extra time. I'm busy, busy, busy! However, I needed something that was JUST MINE! So, I decided to join the world of blogging for two reasons: 1.) To give me that one little thing that is only mine. 2.) Cheap therapy.
Here is the deal, though. If you actually want to read my blog, you must realize that the majority of my posts will be done after only a couple of hours of shut eye, a full day with three kids under the age of 3, and not nearly enough coffee to handle it all. So, please don't judge me for misspellings, poor grammar, and especially for the content. I plan to write what I think and hope to not be judged too poorly. I hope to not write anything that my kids will hate me for when they grow up, my husband will want to divorce me for one day, my family and friends will want to disown me for down the road, and perfect strangers won't want to strangle me if they meet me. Hmmm.... this blogging thing might be tough. :)
Here is the deal, though. If you actually want to read my blog, you must realize that the majority of my posts will be done after only a couple of hours of shut eye, a full day with three kids under the age of 3, and not nearly enough coffee to handle it all. So, please don't judge me for misspellings, poor grammar, and especially for the content. I plan to write what I think and hope to not be judged too poorly. I hope to not write anything that my kids will hate me for when they grow up, my husband will want to divorce me for one day, my family and friends will want to disown me for down the road, and perfect strangers won't want to strangle me if they meet me. Hmmm.... this blogging thing might be tough. :)
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